Public Urination vs. Paying to Pee: I wish I had the choice

I strongly believe people should not pay to use a toilet. It’s like paying to breathe. Can you imagine? “That’s my air you’re breathing. I look after it and keep it clean, so pay up!” Especially considering the public “toilets” in Ghana are in fact not toilets at all, but a wall with a door (and occasionally a ceiling), a standing block and a hole in the ground. Perhaps my biggest sticking point about this pay-to-pee policy is that it does not suit a society that allows public urination. Public urination for Ghanaians only, that is.

A special thanks to growing up with guy friends who were practically extras in the TV show Jack Ass, enjoying the reputation of the daredevil in my group of girl friends in middle school and high school, and my rowdy freshmen and sophomore years of college, I am more than comfortable peeing in public. Though, I prefer to call it “wilderness urination.” To any cops reading this, only once have I urinated on an unnatural object, and I don’t regret it at all. (Taco Bell, once upon a time when your drive thru window was open until three a.m., customers like me took that seriously. Quarter to three is still before three. And nevermind that I had tried to order from your drive thru window by foot.)

Now that I've made it clear I’m neither shy nor reluctant to urinate in public, it should also be known that that doesn’t mean I have the skill and confidence to do it in plain sight like many Ghanaians. Some men even carry on a conversation while peeing. Some wave with one hand while guiding with the other. I’m not quite at that level yet.

The only thing holding me back from semi-public urination - ducking into an alleyway or behind a quiet building - is that I am a foreigner, a white sheep among a flock of black. I realize people from home may take offense to this backwards expression, but I've been away from the overly politically correct society for a while now and regularly converse with Ghanaians who use the terms "blacks" and "whites" instead of "locals" or "Ghanaians" and "foreigners." I'm over color sensitivity, at least until I go back to the states. Back to my point, the kids in Ghana (Cape Coast especially) practically have a heart attack every time they see an obroni – I don’t want to know what would happen to them if they saw a white female squatting with her underwear down. White male foreigners are luckier - peeing while standing up is far less conspicuous.

Why can’t I relieve myself in semi-public? Yet, the inconvenience of this double standard doesn’t bother me enough to want to try to pull it off – I am certain it wouldn’t go over well if I were caught by a Ghanaian who disapproved of public urination. Especially considering many Ghanaians think obronis are more intelligent than they are simply because we aren't from Africa. They probably think we're above peeing in public. Well, this girl isn't.

Instead, I have to "be a lady" and hold it until I find a stall and when I’m finished pay the man or woman sitting on a stool outside the stalls who seven times out of 10 – I wish I was exaggerating – try to cheat me by saying it’s 20 pesewas instead of the usual 10.

Double standards piss me off. (High fives for pun fun!)