A few months ago I read an article in The Ghanaian Times about a young Ghanaian woman, Obaa Yaa, who vowed to commit suicide if Black Stars and Sunderland striker Asamoah Gyan didn’t marry her by Christmas. This woman from Accra claimed she fell in love with Gyan “because of his footballing prowess, his rapping ability and his dancing skill.” Yaa used a local radio station as a platform for her plea: “Brother Asamoah, please I want to tell you that I want to marry you by this December. If you don’t marry me I will kill myself.” She stated, “I like his hair style, the colour of his skin make me fall in love with him. I am having sleepless nights over this so I want him to rescue me by this December.”
If only love was that simple.
But no! How horrible that would be! What a mess we’d be in if people fell in love for superficial reasons such as one’s hair or skin color or physical abilities! What if we had billions of romantically deranged people like this Accra woman running around searching for husbands and wives?
The skin color thing bothers me most. Ghanaians have told me on numerous occasions that I am beautiful. As a foreign female, I am used to it, but it literally staggers me when they say my skin color is the reason. My skin color makes me beautiful? I've heard the same thing being told to other white foreigners, so I know it's not my particular skin tone - it truly is my color that they are referring to. On top of that, a few women have told me wearing earrings makes a woman beautiful! What is going on, here?! Forget the push for self-worth/identity workshops and campaigns in America – bring them to Ghana, bring them to Africa!
To no surprise of visitors of developing nations, most Ghanaians (usually men) are appalled to learn that I am unmarried at age 24. “No husband? Why!” To which I respond, “Marriage is not on my mind right now.” When they ask why, I remind them (or possibly teach them?) that you have to be in love with someone in order to marry, and I am not in love with anyone.
“Then I will marry you!”
“But you don’t even know my name!”
When I tell them I have no children, well, it’s the most outrageous thing they’ve ever heard. When I make small talk, I usually ask if the person has a family (most tend to light up at this question). A majority of the people I've asked has children but no spouse. I’ve learned it is very important to Ghanaians to have a child to carry on their personal legacies. If a Ghanaian dies and has no children to speak of, it is viewed as an especially unfortunate death.
“I can give you child!”
“I don’t want one right now and…I don’t know who you are, but thanks?”
Not too long ago a kid less than 10 years old barefoot in torn clothes sitting on top of an abandoned bus across the street yelled at me, “HEY! WHITE LADY! I LIKE YOUR HAIR COLOR! WILL YOU MARRY ME?”
Hair color.. hm. I'll take that over skin color any day.
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